Steps, Frank O'Hara.

oh god it's wonderful

to get out of bed

and drink too much coffee

and smoke too many cigarettes

and love you so much

Meditations from a Boy, Meditations on a Boy.

What is the "correct" way to inspire someone? Who is to say what the correct way to inspire someone is?

Ever since I was young, I was curious... curious about my inherited physical traits, curious about the way people socially and physically interacted with each other, curious about how I thought I was supposed to be, curious about the construction of a society in which I never asked to live. Fear not, I understand that my problem is global and not just societal. Understand, I am not blaming my problem on anyone else, nor am I blaming it on myself, or the sperm and egg that produced me. For even more closure, I am not blaming it on the country in which I have lived my entire life.

I'm not very curious these days. The empirical model [of my life] means just about as much as the next decision I will make (whether to feed myself or not). That was a joke.

I know I once emphasized reason over emotion, but now I approach this way of thinking with apprehension. Recent physical exchanges have taught me to confront the issues I have with others in a more subdued manner, but I know that writing about them now would be unwise.

I must give it time to settle, or else I will not be able to forgive myself.

The City and the Pillar, Gore Vidal.

"Even so," he said quickly, "there are other things in life than being in love. Look at Jim. He's never in love, are you?"

"Of course I am. With what I want." Jim thought of Bob.

Maria was puzzled. "What do you want?"

Sullivan answered for him. "What he cannot have, like the rest of us." He turned to Maria. "Have you ever found what you wanted?"

"For a time, certainly."

"But not for long."

"No, not for long. I've failed, like everyone else."

"Why?"

"I suppose I may want more than any man cares to give. And sometimes I give more than any man wants to take."

Summer Log (June-September), film and music.

[this will be updated throughout September]

films seen [theatrical/festival viewings only]:

06/04 - Breathless (Jean-Luc Godard, 1960) [Film Forum]

06/12 - Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work (Ricki Stern & Anne Sundberg) [IFC Center]
06/18 - The Killer Inside Me (Michael Winterbottom) [IFC Center]

06/28 - Toy Story 3 (Lee Unkrich) [Clearview Caldwell Cinema 4]

07/06 - Cyrus (Jay & Mark Duplass) [Clearview Claridge Cinemas]

07/13 - Winter's Bone (Debra Granik) [Clearview Claridge Cinemas]

07/16 - A Serbian Film (Srdjan Spasojevic) [Concordia University/Montreal, QC Canada- part of the Fantasia Film Festival ]

07/17 - Eve's Necklace (Daniel Erickson, 2009) [Concordia University/Montreal, QC Canada - part of the Fantasia Film Festival]

07/20 - Inception (Christopher Nolan) [Clearview Bellevue Cinema 4]

07/27 - The Kids Are All Right (Lisa Cholodenko) [Clearview Claridge Cinemas]

08/11 - Enter the Void (Gaspar Noé, 2009, director's cut) [Walter Reade Theatre - Film Society of Lincoln Center]

09/07 - The American (Anton Corbijn) [Clearview Bellevue Cinema 4]

albums bought:

06/08 - Subiza (Delorean)

06/22 - How I Got Over (The Roots)

07/06 - Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty (Big Boi)

07/27 - Mines (Menomena)

novels read [first time reading indicated by an asterisk]:

*Juneteenth (Ralph Ellison)

*The Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath)

The City and the Pillar (Gore Vidal)

*Pale Fire (Vladimir Nabokov)

*The Book of Laughter and Forgetting (Milan Kundera)

shows attended:

06/19 - The Morning Benders with Freelance Whales and Wild Nothing at Governor's Island

07/03 - Portugal. The Man with Alberta Cross and Hopewell at Governor's Island

07/22 - The Antlers with Dinosaur Feathers at Pier 54 on Hudson River Park

07/30 - Avi Buffalo with Chad VanGaalen at South Street Seaport

08/15 - Neon Indian, Prefuse 73, Nite Jewel, DOM, and Miniature Tigers at Governor's Island

Erratical, Fanatical

you keep repeating

the same phrase

over

and

over

like I’m not

“getting it”

you keep denying

as I keep providing

a reasonable escape

a kaleidoscopic phase

break that down

beat beat beat

breakdown

know your place

do not step out of line

outline

follow those unwritten rules

tell him STOP

Oops, too late

rape rape rape

chk chk chk

!!!

modern malaise

heartbroken days

every day

under

stand

M

E

“it’s not easy”

“it’s too easy”

2010 in film, so far.

top five 2010 films I have seen thus far this year (theatrical & festival viewings):

The Ghost Writer (Roman Polanski)

Greenberg (Noah Baumbach)

Exit Through the Gift Shop (Banksy)

Casino Jack and the United States of Money (Alex Gibney)

happythankyoumoreplease (Josh Radnor)

HM: The Oath (Laura Poitras)

Sadly, with the exception of restorations (Lang's Metropolis and Godard's Breathless), I have nothing on my to-see list until June 18th when Toy Story 3, The Killer Inside Me, and Cyrus are released. Then July brings The Kids are All Right (07/09) and Inception (07/16), nothing in August (as of now)... hopefully I'll have be able to write up some proper film analyses over the next three months (first on the list is Down by Law, I think).

Spirit Youth - The Depreciation Guild (out now on Kanine Records).

This is bliss.

"Crucify You" - mp3 (via The Music Slut)

Buy Youth Spirit by The Depreciation Guild (released 5/18 on Kanine Records, available on their website/iTunes/Amazon).